It’s the best kind of torture, the self-inflicted kind, and I’ll tell you why:
Because you could just say, “Screw this,” and be done with it. But nooo, because that would be quitting. And quitters never win. And winners never quit. They just implode one day while they’re in the middle of a rigourous not-quitting session. That will be me someday, just watch.
I hate exam time. It makes me look like the walking dead (probably because I pretty much am at this point). It makes me cranky and unlikeable, too. (Although, that could be Aunt Flo. If you get my… er… drift.)
I am getting sick of Organic Chemistry. It’s pretty much all I’ve looked at or done since Monday, minus work on Tuesday afternoon, and an interview for one of the campus newspapers yesterday. And I was here (one of the campus libraries) at 8.30 this morning, yet again, and I will be here til around 6.30 this evening, yet again. Why? Because I hate myself.
I hate myself so much that I took out an $8000 loan this year (and last!) to put myself through this torture, multiple times a year. Aren’t I smart?
It better be worth it in the end, because I am tired. Fall-down, exhausted, sleep-deprived tired.
So far this season, it’s snowed a few times, but for some reason it hasn’t stuck around for more than a day or so. (I blame global warming.)
Unfortunately, this lack of snow/freakily warm weather has certainly spoiled me. I’m Canadian, and I grew up in Saskatchewan to boot, so I should really be thankful that it took until December first to snow with no hope of it going away until spring.
But, it’s snowing again. And, it’s supposed to snow all week.
Therefore, I am taking my right to grouse about it. I don’t like the cold! There is a reason I wanted to move to Australia! There is a reason I still sort of want to, even though I know it’ll never happen!
Give me sand or dirt over snow any day, please. Yep, I’m not a fan.
It is pretty though, I’ll give it that. But… it’s cold. As snow tends to be. And so, I’m either cold outside, despite layers and layers of clothes, or too warm inside, thanks to layers and layers of clothes.
Winter is, overall, a lose-lose situation when you are north of 60 and have a tendency to prefer tropical weather.
… Microbiology style. Because I am just that amazing. And have a lab exam tomorrow. Yay! Learn with me, folks! You know you want to!
No titles. Just haiku.
What can I say, folks, it caught up with me.
I have two finals this week, both for the same course (one’s the lab exam, the other’s the lecture exam). I have two in the two weeks following.
My birthday was Friday. I’m 20. Never again will I be a teenager. That’s not such a bad thing.
I’m not even going to try to finish this NaBloPoMo thing for November.
November’s a bad month for this sort of thing, what with finals so close and all. I think I’ll refrain from these November challenges ’til I’m done school.
So, I’ll be in my thirties… great…
It’s my birthday tomorrow.
I will be 20 years old.
I will never again be a teenager. Ever.
Frightening stuff, that.
It’s sad, but true. Here are some selections from one of my favourite playlists, which I called “So I’m A Little Messed Up”. My playlist titles are very descriptive.
“Maybe I have been here before, I know this room;
I have walked this floor, I used to live alone before I knew you
I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch, love is not a victory march,
it’s a cold and its a broken Hallelujah”
“Seein’ Red,” by Unwritten Law.
“Don’t have much time for sympathy
But it never happened to me
You feelin’ down I don’t know where i’ll be when you come around
And now it’s time to make a choice,
And all I wanna hear is your voice…”
“Lover I Don’t Have to Love,” by Bright Eyes.
“I want a lover I don’t have to love
I want a boy who’s so drunk he doesn’t talk
Where’s the kid with the chemicals?
I’ve got a hunger and I can’t seem to get full
I need some meaning I can memorize
The kind I have always seems to slip my mind”
“Hate Me Today,” by Blue October
“In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind”
“Dizzy,” the Goo Goo Dolls
“I wanna kick at the machine
That made you piss away your dreams
And tear at your defenses
Till there’s nothing left but me
You’re angry when you’re beautiful
Your love is such a tease
I’m drowning in your dizzy noise
I wanna feel you scream”
“Shaketramp,” Mariana’s Trench
“Try a little more
a little more
a little more
They slap you like a bitch
and you take it like a whore”
I mean, there’s also some good ol’ Coldplay, Johnny Cash, and Chopin on there… Gotta mix it up!
I managed to get my Chemistry midterm mark back, and I certainly failed, but it’s not worth as much as I thought it was. Conclusion: if I study my butt off for the final, I may still be able to get a half-decent mark for the course – if I ace the final. I’m averaging about 59 right now, if I take both midterms and the first quiz into account, and work in an educated guess about what my lab grade is. When I get my quiz mark from Monday back, it will hopefully up my grade a little…
I think I’ve decided to double major with Anthropology, though. All my electives were going to go that route anyway, so I may as well. It will give me a chance to exercise a part of my brain that is seriously crying out for attention these days. I’m not a purely scientific person – far from it. Part of me is almost tempted to switch to Anthropology and Comparative Religion, and then maybe do something along the lines of archeology. Which would be awesome. But we’ll see what happens. I figure if I double-major the two, I will find out if I really like Anthropology enough to quit Micro. I think it might just go that route. But we will see.
In other news… I turn 20 on Friday. Frightening.